Trawniki Man

My husband told me we were returning to the 

Halcyon days

I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds nice

And we all need something nice.

Warsaw to Bialystok

Impervious forests in sandy soil

I thought we were heading home 

(He hinted it was so)

Instead we followed a spur

On a black road that squeaked under our wheels.

The house sits in a field of lupin

I smell rain and ash and meat

An ersatz farmhouse for an ersatz farmer.

My daughter and I run our hands over the waxy blue flowers

We feel the drops on our face

We hear the trees hiss and sigh

We are not home, but my husband has provided

(In his way)

And we are safe and we are free.

In the house the lamps are always lit

It’s very cold if I leave the windows open

But it smells like petrol if I don’t.

My daughter traces the constellation on the walls

And asks where we are and when we are leaving

But she’ll only ask me and I don’t know anything.

My brave soldier husband who looked so handsome in his uniform

Sits at the kitchen table all day

Stiff work boots, uncreased overalls

Vodka in the morning

Looking towards the east

Waiting to be relieved.

I make breakfast and clean the dishes and make the beds and wash the clothes and sweep the floor and feed the animals and water the garden and make our supper

No one visits

But we are safe and we are free.

My daughter plays among the flowers and

Her dresses become greasy

She has a throng of imaginary friends

And talks to them all day long

A low murmur that floats at the edge of my days

At night I hear rustling from the fields

It could be our neighbors

Digging for treasures

It could be my daughter’s friends

Missing her company

My husband sleeps heavily

(And would ignore them anyway)

I close my eyes and think of kingfishers on the beach threatened by storms and remind myself

We are safe and we are free.

Every morning

Blood and bone erupt from the soil

I carefully rebury them in the afternoon

Protecting my husband from the world

And protecting the world from my husband.